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Amantes: Comer migajas no es sano ni justo

Amantes: Comer migajas no es sano ni justo

Every human being has an energy that can attract another person. And in turn, if that person feels the same attraction, a great passion arises that does not go down, but rises like “La bilirubina” by Juan Luis Guerra. This madness takes us out of control, it is so powerful that it prevents us from “detaching” even if we want to, because we have another previous relationship or being married.

If the feeling continues, they continue to see each other and have Chaca Chaca. They feel great intimacy, they are best friends, they share tastes, ideas about the world, values, and so on. We begin, without realizing it, to build an affective bond that overcomes passion, that keeps us clinging to each other. You called the devil and you saw him arrive.

Being in love produces fireworks sex, a deep desire to be and go out with the other, to talk for hours … Why is something so beautiful to «call the devil and see him arrive»? Simply because everything that is done sooner or later has consequences.



If it is done in secret, if it affects a third party —in this case the wife or husband—, feelings of guilt, jealousy, abandonment, anguish, fear and the desire to shout like Mafalda will arise: “Stop the world, I want to get off ”. We live an obsession, it is a dilemma: I want to go out, but I am tied. I seem to be listening to a patient: “I don’t want to leave my wife because I love my children. I’m going on a trip without my lover, but I can’t stop thinking about her, and I see her in every woman. This is an obsession ”.

In no marriage does the couple fill you 100%. Those emotional voids are filled with other things: work, friends, sports, art… We can also allow someone to enter through that void. But, if we do not set limits or run away, we will enter a love triangle that never ends well for anyone. Not for the wife, not for the husband or the lover, much less for the children. As the great writer and psychologist Walter Riso says: «in infidelity there is no puppet that is left with a head.»

Being a lover is a life of shadows, of confusion, a process of entrapment from where you have to leave. It is an addiction, an obsession that urgently needs therapy. Dealing with the rejection of society, depression, swallowed anger, uncertainty, lead the lover to make a very painful decision for both of them. Failure to do so will end up in great loneliness and even drugs or suicide.

This type of relationship is consolidating. As time passes and the bond grows stronger, the conflicts begin to increase, the family finds out and the children suffer.

There are reasons for infidelity like stars in the sky. The heart has reasons that reason does not understand. But do not forget that eating crumbs, and not whole bread, is not healthy or fair.

Sobre el Autor

Nancy Alvarez

Psicología Clínica con maestría y post grados en terapia familiar de pareja y sexual. Miembro del Board Americano de Sexualidad.

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Sobre Nancy Alvarez

Es doctora en psicología clínica con maestría y post grados en terapia familiar, de pareja y sexual, también tiene... Leer más.

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