El manejo del dinero y la pareja
Did you know that 80% of divorces in the United States are caused by unresolved conflicts over money management?
When I arrived in Miami, many years ago, I was surprised to read, in one of the most important newspapers in Florida, the results of a study: most marriages were carried out not «for love», as the famous song says Dominican, but simply and simply «for money.»
As I read it, I remembered how before women, to marry, had to have money that their parents gave to the husband. I believed that this was something of the past and, furthermore, that it was over … How far from reality it was!
Is it okay for a person to choose a partner based on money? Actually today it is known that this is not healthy, nor does it work.
1-Marriage is in itself very difficult. As my beloved professor Dr. Pedro Savage used to say, «marriage is a space of conflict to grow… If we grow up, we will have moments of happiness». And I never tire of repeating something I learned with the fabulous teacher and friend, Dr. Vicente Vargas: «for love to work, loving is not enough.»
With this in mind, even being deeply in love, living together is difficult. What would it be like without love and just out of interest? As the famous saying goes: «This is more difficult than a forced marriage.»
2-A marriage for economic interest is not a marriage; even if they have signed thousands of contracts and then go to church and swear before a priest that they will be together until death do them part. A true marriage is built on trust, relational justice, reciprocity, and intimacy, among other things. None of this has to do with money.
3-Formerly, men were in charge of money. At present, it concerns the couple. When there is no transparency about money management, things do not work and conflicts start. If they are not resolved, they end in divorce or a marriage that does not really exist. They are only supported. And there the church arises. You can be the cathedral, but the couple begins to have chapels and churches. In other words, the lover, the lover, the other or the other emerges. It is very common in this time, sadly.
4-Also appears the «financial infidelity». Or what is the same, cheating on your partner about finances. Every couple should have a budget that they both respect. That each one contributes to the extent that they win. Take out common expenses and an amount of your own to spend freely. Let’s not forget to save, because that money belongs to the family. The couple must speak clearly about these issues, reach certain agreements, and respect them. The lie does not fit in a true marriage.