When we like someone, be it a man or a woman, we say «let’s get to know each other», because you can’t love what you don’t know. Nothing lives alone. It is necessary to meet you, but it is not enough just to meet us.
Within the «meeting» it is identified that the greatest and basic need that each human being seeks to satisfy, in a relationship, is to be known. But this implies letting yourself be known and being known.
«If there is something dangerous in the life of a human being, it is to be known», says Joaquín Disla. When I open up in front of you, I put my life in your hands, but that makes me vulnerable. You can do whatever you want with me.
Nothing expresses it better than «The Little Prince», when the fox says «tame me», but he is afraid. If you allow yourself to be domesticated, there is a great possibility of suffering. Hence this fear. There are people who are left with the fear of making themselves known, because they would become vulnerable and they would break their hearts again!
Loving and living as a couple is a risk. The gift that you put in other hands, there are those who turn it into a whip to punish you. That betrays trust, reciprocity, loyalty, which are so necessary for a human being to launch himself, in freedom, to love.
The desire to open up is not enough, you have to assess whether the other person is able to handle what you say, without hurting you. Not everyone can handle certain information. We must be careful and know how to choose. Because many of us live stumbling over the same stone again.
There are relationships that close and do not advance. One of the reasons is that they are not known, they are not delivered. You have to work it. A meaningful relationship must be worked on. You grow a lot in your partner, but growth is working on differences and learning from each other. Growing up causes pain, it’s hard. When the two of you contribute, the relationship works and grows. There is co-responsibility and reciprocity.
Many couples are content to meet, but forget that they must grow and stagnate. They are walking in two different worlds. Both members have to contribute. If not, conflicts come. But, if we grow up, we will have moments of happiness.
We bill the person we love for what happened to us. Children, parents and partners take their toll on the other for what they have experienced.
The word love means commitment to walk with that person, not to abandon them. And thus grow and contribute to the relationship of the couple. We must be there at all times, sharing lights and shadows with the loved one, and heal our emotional wounds and mature. It is a beautiful and difficult path.